Dreamweb

Tape Evidence

my sleeping had become restless.
I was now dreaming all the time.
dark sounds and images were haunting me, unsettling me.
there were many things from my past.

most of what I saw and heard I didn't understand.
but they were not only dreams, they were somehow more real...
I felt followed.
again I had fallen asleep with my headphones on.

the doorbell. it pulled me from my dreams.
I dragged myself to the door.
someone had left a tape on the doorstep.

in my head.
in my head.
i can feel them,
in my head.

Certainty

it starts with almost nothing,
but then you feel the fire.
it builds from just a feeling,
but then your need turns dire.

you don't know where it came from,
and you thought you wouldn't dare.
you don't know what will happen,
and you don't know if you care.

do you see the confusion?
where do you think this will lead?
do you feel the commotion?
why do you feel so much need?

certainty. certainty.
all I would need is certainty.

why do you keep me from certainty?
how could you take it away from me?

it hurts more than anything,
my world now turns to ashes.
your silence so demeaning,
my heart falters in flashes.

I would still like to believe,
but I know my trust is broken.
I would yet want to prevail,
but I know my hope is token.

do you see desperation?
why don't you care anymore?
do you fear conflagration?
why to make me feel so sore?

certainty. certainty.
all I would need is certainty.

why do you keep me from certainty?
how could you take it away from me?

I'm slowly drifting away,
the water reaches above my head.
I know I'm not here to stay,
a cold body remains in my stead.

Lament for Lost Dreams

I woke up one day,
and didn't know whence I came.
I looked back one day,
and nothing spoke my name.

I saw myself from afar,
and could not comprehend.
I felt a throbbing scar,
and knew it would never mend.

I beheld the path behind me,
and the weeds were growing tall.
I looked where my footsteps should be,
but there was nothing there at all.

I knelt down without a sound,
feeling the emptiness inside.
I buried my face in the ground,
screaming silently to stem the tide.

I will cry out into the night,
and let my anguish die away.
I will thrust my agony aside,
to prepare for a new day.

in this moment my strength failed,
I was falling through the ground.
in the distance my soul wailed,
all my parts became unbound.

in this moment I felt strong,
I could see me inside out.
and my soul it came along,
so effacing my pitch-dark bout.

I cried for what was not meant to be,
a last tribute to lost dreams.
I had to leave behind my effigy,
and with it bury all my screams.

I turned around and looked straight on,
aware of the crossroads up ahead.
I felt my fear the first time gone,
and saw a future for me to tread.

I will cry out into the night,
and let my anguish die away.
I will thrust my agony aside,
to prepare for a new day.

Machine Run

I step out, hit the street.
take in air, feel the need.
yield to it. yield to it.

I want to yield control,
I am not holding back.
I will not stay on track.

I step out, and let go.
to get lost, in the flow.

but everything seemed to end up in endless circles,
what had come right before coming back over and over again.
and everything seemed to lead me right back to the start,
running and running to make me forget and to live and cope with the pain.

driven by the need to forget,
you had lost all your dreams.
running from your pain and regret,
you wanted to escape their web.

torn by the fate you had met,
you had turned into pure need.
tearing apart the last net,
you were not able to hold back.

I will obey the machine,
doing what has to be done.
I fade out what I have seen,
and then I start to run.

I will suffocate my dream,
stall the blood in my veins,
to feed the machine,
until none of it remains.

but everything seemed to end up in endless circles,
what had come right before coming back over and over again.
and everything seemed to lead me right back to the start,
running and running to make me forget and to live and cope with the pain.

driven by the need to forget,
you had lost all your dreams.
running from your pain and regret,
you wanted to escape their web.

torn by the fate you had met,
you had turned into pure need.
tearing apart the last net,
you were not able to hold back.

I had become a machine,
feeding on the need to run.
I was lost in a dark dream,
my end to blot out the sun.

I had become a machine,
feeding on the need to run.
I ran into a ravine,
my mind was to come undone.

Loyalty

watching the sky, up through the rain.
tonight. tonight.
falling back down, into the pain.
inside. inside.
no I won't stay here.
no I won't stay here, stay here with you.

you took me to heaven.
you brought me to fall.
I took your mortality
for what made me feel whole.

you stole my dreams, made me lose track.
tonight. tonight.
you broke my trust, won't get it back.
forever. forever.
no I won't break down.
no I won't ever break down for you.

you made me feel needed.
you could see my soul.
no I won't break down.
no I won't ever break down for you.

you made me feel needed.
you could see my soul.
I gave you my loyalty.
you chose to make me fall.

you took me to heaven.
you brought me to fall.
I took your mortality
for what made me feel whole.

Sun and Storm

so I'm still plodding on,
on a path I cannot see.
so I left it all behind,
for a future where I'm free.

all my dreams had turned to dust,
and my lust for life declined.
all my hopes had gone away,
just a trace left in my mind.

for my will stopped to resist,
I let it take me away.
for my whole world fell apart,
what is left I cannot say.

and everything I was has turned to pain,
and everyone I knew thinks I'm to blame.
and everything I was has turned to pain,
and everyone I knew thinks I'm to blame.
and everywhere I go I feel the same,
and everytime I try I try in vain.

you had come to fill the void,
but you always were forlorn.
you had come into my life,
and you brought both sun and storm.

I could never break its force,
and then I was left to mourn.
I never knew what went wrong,
but you were both sun and storm.

when you came I did not fear,
but the shadow took your side.
when you fell I had to stay,
but I think I've also died.

and everywhere I go I feel the same,
and everytime I try I try in vain.
and everything I was has turned to pain,
and everyone I knew thinks I'm to blame.
and everywhere I go I feel the same,
and everytime I try I try in vain.

Out of Time

searing light.
deafening sound.
disorientation.
time. time stands still.

no one knows his destination,
forever paying for his crime.
lost alone in alienation,
forever floating out of time.

no one feels his infiltration,
always repenting of his crime.
still stained with desecration,
forever floating out of time.

you ride the fabric of time.
how long will you continue?
how long will you exist?
you dream the lives of others.
what will guide your way?
what will allow you to persist?

you ripple the surface of time.
why can't you trust anyone?
why can't you escape malice?
you leave the strands of worlds.
where will you find your soul?
when will you find your peace?

no one knows his destination,
forever paying for his crime.
lost alone in alienation,
forever floating out of time.

no one feels his infiltration,
always repenting of his crime.
still stained with desecration,
forever floating out of time.

no one has seen what I have seen.

Dead End

can you hear me? is this working?
ok, good.
I just arrived at the position the informant indicated.
I have a clear view of the entrance to the club and the bouncer in front.
there is someone talking to him, but it's a guy.

more people arriving.
okay... no she's not one of them.
he said she would be here ten minutes ago.
I'm going in.

you block out all doubts, and focus on a single purpose.
you dive into the scene before you,
your senses assaulted from every possible direction.
you can hear the blood throb in your veins,
the familiar pang kicking in to keep you calm and make you forget everything else.
you feel as in a dream, floating through the huge room, scanning. scanning.

it should be easy now, your state keeps you focused.
but you are still aware of the music, boring into your mind,
a strange pressure you have never felt before.
your focus starts to waver.

you have to find your target, she is the only lead.
she is the only one who knows what happened in the back of that bar.
you cannot lose her again.
you feel the cold inside of yourself,
people scrambling desperately to get out of your way.

then you see her, exhilaration breaking your icy calm,
a raging fire, driving you on with incredible speed.
but the music is still there, and the distance doesn't decrease.
there is a flight of stairs, an endless corridor.
pressing through a window, running in the rain.
feeling a sudden burn in your flesh.
she is still there, in front of you.
you can see her, but the music sticks to your mind.

you're skidding through the rain, getting desperate,
darting through another back entrance.
dashing through a corridor,
spilling out into a room full of people, and music.
the music. it's burning in your mind, driving you mad,
there is only the music. the music.
there is nothing else. nothing else.
only the floor rushing toward you.

The Dream

I had again been searching through the night,
my hope all but gone and still no end in sight.
with no clear vision of what to find,
I'd left my confidence long behind.

my troubled sleep saw the sun rise,
my dreams became a blessing in disguise.
I felt safe, my fear began to break,
I knew it was real but I was not awake.

you fell asleep and now you're mine.
I feel so helpless and so weak.
just let go and embrace your dream.
I've lost track of what I am.

you thought you had it all, but now all that has changed.
never again put up with a world that is so deranged.
leaving behind all that you had known before.
still confused, but you can feel that there is so much more.

I had felt so lost before,
my boat had somewhere run ashore.
I cried out into the night,
there was nothing that felt right.

I had given myself in,
and self-pity was my kin.
now I leave all that behind,
to re-emerge and live the dream.

Reflections

September 7, 11:19pm
we haven't made any progress since he disappeared eight months ago.
there's no trace at all, he's switched over completely.
we are looking for her now. she knows how to get there.

October 19, 7:23pm
finally some headway. we know where to find her Friday night.
White does not know the informant's identity, but he believes
the information is accurate.

October 22, 11:24pm
taking up position at the club.
we have to locate her tonight.

October 23, 5:18am
just woke up in the gutter, somebody must have dumped me here.
the connection to White is all static. no idea what is going on.
I've never felt anything like in that club.

October 23, 5:42am
just saw White. he got a tape from a guy that was in the club.
he should not be here at all, and the connection is still broken.
what the hell is going on?
what does he know about the Dreamweb?

October 23, 6:32am
at home. dropping dead now.

October 23, 7:24am
I cannot get the music out of my head, it is still there.
when I close my eyes I feel like I'm still in that club.

deep sleep is taking me,
I can feel my hurts dissolve.

Between Worlds

you feel it in the back of your mind,
like a shadow that is always there.
you thought your life is fully defined,
a straight line, everything seemed so clear.

you push it back, and think it is gone,
but it haunts you and will come to bear.
you closed your eyes and let it roam,
so now it has become your worst fear.

you never looked so weary,
what have you become?
your bearing feels so dreary,
what have you become?
what have you become?

you fell to doubt and left your trail,
to be consumed by all your hurts.
you sought your dream to no avail,
and live suspended between worlds.

you thought this could not happen,
so what did go wrong?
you thought you would not waken,
so what did go wrong?
so what did go wrong?

you fell to doubt and left your trail,
to be consumed by all your hurts.
you sought your dream to no avail,
and live suspended between worlds.

you felt it break so deep within,
to find and bring back all your hurts,
you just cannot stop nor begin,
and stay suspended between worlds.

Escape

I awakened in the city to utter darkness.
I was running for hours and hours
through deserted streets.
between all those towers,
there was only rain -- only the rain.

I went through doors, I scoured the alleys.
in the rain I climbed ridges.
I walked over bridges, but there was no one there.
I felt deaf, although my hearing was fair.

but there was only silence.
not even the rain...

there must be more.
I need you to quell my fears.
I've felt it before.
I need you to shed my tears.

the things I adore.
I need you to feel my pain.
I'm trapped like before.
I need you to stop the rain.

I've cast myself into a prison,
with bonds near impossible to break.
I thought my life is built on reason,
but now I know I've got to escape.

I've depraved myself of all I had,
and thought I need to for my own sake.
I didn't think I would be so sad,
but without you I cannot escape.
not even the rain...

deep in my heart,
I want you to pull me back.
I've kept us apart,
I want you to fix my wreck.

awake with a start,
I want you to enter my mind.
to re-cast my part,
I want you to follow me blind.

I've cast myself into a prison,
with bonds near impossible to break.
I thought my life is built on reason,
but now I know I've got to escape.

I've depraved myself of all I had,
and thought I need to for my own sake.
I didn't think I would be so sad,
but without you I cannot escape.

escape, it's not there!
not even the rain...

 

© all lyrics by mind.in.a.box